This time next week, everyone in my family will be in different places.  Hannah is going to Egypt with our church.  Abby will be skiing with a friend and her family in Montana, Daniel will be working in New York, and Ellie Grace and I will make a quick trip to Dallas.  Just thinking about it is enough to raise my blood pressure.

As a mom, I do better when all of our little chickadees are in the nest.  I like knowing that everyone is in their place.  I’ve been having little conversations with myself in my head.

Crazy self- “Egypt?  You can’t let your 17 year old go to Egypt!  That’s crazy!”

Calm self- “She could easily get in a car wreck in town or be the victim of a terrorist act in America.”

Crazy self- “What if Abby breaks her leg skiing and has to have surgery and you can’t get to her in time?  She will be upset and need her Mom.”

Calm self- “She is going with a family who will take great care of her and if, by chance, she has an accident, will get her great care until you can get to her.”

All of this has got me thinking about control.  Do I really have control when everyone is here?  Isn’t it just perceived control?  The definition of control is the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events. I guess I have some control, but I certainly don’t have the control that I did when they were toddlers.

Furthermore, isn’t part of my job to raise healthy, independent, well-adjusted children who are confident to go off on their own and experience the world? In just a year, Hannah will fly the coop.  She will be living in a different city away from her Mommy and she will be required to do so much more for herself.  And my job description will change.  I am getting small glimpses of my new role and I think I like it.  Saturday night, Hannah and I had a dinner date.  It felt more like dinner with my girlfriend than dinner with my daughter and it was delightful.

Next week, as everyone is off to different places and different experiences, I will remind myself that my girls are growing into confident young women and that I have done my job well.  And  that although I am not in control, my God loves them more than I do and knows what each day holds for them.

Psalm 139:14-16The Message (MSG)

13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day.